yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm both gender and math confused
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
