if you like me you must not know who I am
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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