I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
