He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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