You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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