I think im going to throw up on grandma
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
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