So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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