I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
