The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
