I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
