The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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