i think i have two assholes
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
