He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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