ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Acid is not a monday night drug
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
