i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
