Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
