Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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