Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
