THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
