Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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