i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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