my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm having to shit out rocks
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
