I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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