I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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