there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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