I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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