Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
