Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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