Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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