Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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