Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
