I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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