If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
