I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
