then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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