He kissed a someone with a penis
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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