respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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