The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
