I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
