I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
third nipple confirmed
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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