I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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