We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
