I wish my penis had an off switch
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i think i have herpe
just one?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
