A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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