Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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