for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
