I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
