I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
