I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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