last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
