oh god the rape fog is back!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
