we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
