I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
