i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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