The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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