I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
